March 31, 2023 – Western and Northern Ontario Weather Outlook

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THUNDER BAY – Weather – March appears to be waltzing out more like a lamb than roaring out like a lion. There will be wind across much of western Ontario but there are no weather alerts or warnings.

Thunder Bay

“Well folks, hold onto your hats and mittens because Thunder Bay is about to get hit with a wind that could rival a pack of wild moose stampeding through town. This morning, we’ll see some clearing skies, but that wind? It’s going to be blowing northeast at 20 km/h with gusts up to 40 km/h. If you’re brave enough to venture outside, expect a high of just plus 3, but don’t be fooled – the wind chill will make it feel like minus 8! So, unless you’re a seasoned Canadian snowman, make sure to bundle up and cover your nose hairs. The UV index is at a moderate 4, so wear some sunscreen if you’re feeling extra daring.

And tonight, we’ll have some clear skies, but that wind is going to keep howling like a pack of wolves chasing after a maple syrup truck. The northeast wind will be gusting up to 50 km/h, making it feel like a freezer outside with a low of minus 10 and a wind chill of minus 15. So, if you’re planning on going for a midnight stroll, bring a hot cup of cocoa and a blanket, because it’s going to be colder than a moose’s nose in February. Stay warm, Thunder Bay!”

Fort Frances

“Welcome to Fort Frances, where the weather is as unpredictable as a moose playing hopscotch. Today, we’re in for a treat with some clearing skies, but that wind? Hold onto your touques because it’s going to be blowing like a herd of caribou trying to outrun a pack of wolves. Expect a gusty northeast wind at 20 km/h with gusts up to 40 km/h, which means that your hair might look like a bird’s nest by the end of the day. The high will only reach plus 3, and the wind chill will make it feel like minus 8, so if you’re heading outside, bring a parka and some hot chocolate. And don’t forget to cover your nose hairs, because they’ll freeze faster than a moose spotting a grizzly bear.

As for tonight, we’re in for a clear sky, but that wind? It’s going to be howling like a pack of wolves at a Justin Bieber concert. The gusty northeast wind will be blasting at 30 km/h, with gusts up to 50 km/h, so make sure to secure any loose objects, or they might end up in the next town over. The low will be minus 10, but with the wind chill, it’ll feel like minus 15. So, if you’re planning on camping outside, bring a polar bear coat and some extra blankets, because it’s going to be colder than a moose’s nostril in January. Stay warm, Fort Frances!”

Dryden and Vermilion Bay

“Good morning, Dryden! Today’s weather is as dry as a moose bone in the Sahara, but don’t let that fool you. We might see some sunshine, but that wind? It’s going to be blowing northeast at 20 km/h with gusts up to 40 km/h. If you’re planning on braving the cold, expect a high of zero, but beware – the wind chill will make it feel like minus 18! So, unless you want to turn into a human popsicle, make sure to bundle up and wear those woolly undies. The UV index is at a moderate 3, so slap on some sunscreen, or else you might end up looking like a lobster in the middle of winter.

And tonight, we’ll have some clear skies, but that wind? It’s going to keep blowing like a moose trying to fly a kite. The northeast wind will be gusting up to 40 km/h, but luckily, it’ll become light late in the evening. The low will be a bone-chilling minus 15, with a wind chill of minus 14 this evening. So, if you’re planning on going out, bring your thermal underwear, a hot toddy, and a warm hug from a friendly moose, because it’s going to be colder than a snowman’s nose in the middle of winter. Stay warm, Dryden!”

Kenora

“Good morning, Kenora! Today’s weather is as bright and sunny as a moose’s smile, but that wind? Hold onto your hats, because it’s going to be blowing like a herd of reindeer racing for the last candy cane. The wind will be coming in from the northeast at 20 km/h, with gusts up to 40 km/h late in the morning. If you’re brave enough to face the cold, expect a high of plus 2, but beware – the wind chill will make it feel like minus 13! So, unless you’re part polar bear, make sure to layer up and bring some extra hot chocolate. The UV index is at a moderate 3, so don’t forget your sunglasses, or you might end up squinting like a confused moose.

And tonight, we’ll have some clear skies, but that wind? It’s going to be blowing like a moose blowing out birthday candles. The northeast wind will be gusting up to 40 km/h, but luckily, it’ll become light in the evening. The low will be a chilly minus 14, so bring your warmest toque, mittens, and long johns, or else you might end up shaking like a leaf on a moose’s antler. Stay warm, Kenora!”

Wasaho Cree Nation

“Good morning, my fellow Wasaho Cree Nation weather warriors, it’s Lance Matthews with your weather outlook! Today’s forecast is a mixed bag of tricks – a little bit of sun, a little bit of cloud, and a 30 percent chance of flurries this morning.

But hold onto your mukluks, because that wind is going to be blowing like a pack of wolves howling at a full moon. The wind will be coming in from the west at a brisk 30 km/h, making it feel like the inside of a polar bear’s freezer. If you’re brave enough to venture out, expect a high of minus 13, but don’t let that fool you – the wind chill will make it feel like minus 31 in the morning and minus 22 in the afternoon. That’s colder than a beaver’s tooth in December! And don’t forget about the risk of frostbite, my friends. So, make sure to layer up like an onion and cover every inch of exposed skin, or you might end up looking like a popsicle.

And tonight, we’ll have some partly cloudy skies, but that wind is still going to be blowing like a herd of caribou stampeding through the tundra. The wind will be up to 15 km/h, but that’s nothing compared to what we’ve seen today. The low will be a bone-chilling minus 29, with a wind chill of minus 22 in the evening and minus 38 overnight. That’s colder than a snowshoe hare’s nose in January! And of course, there’s still a risk of frostbite, so make sure to bundle up tighter than a bear in hibernation. Stay warm out there, my friends, and don’t forget to give Mother Nature a good old-fashioned Wasaho Cree Nation shout-out!”

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