5 Steps to Recovering Your Marriage: Lessons from a Licensed Marriage Therapist


Do you feel like you and your partner are drifting apart?

Do you feel helpless, like you’ve tried everything and nothing has worked for long?

Are you wondering if the relationship could ever get back to what it originally was?

In this article, Josh Article from the Marriage Mastery program will break down this daunting task into five distinct stages. Each stage offers unique insights and potential actions you can take to not only recover your marriage but also make it stronger than ever before.

Stage 1: Endurance

The first stage of your marriage recovery journey is characterized by your endurance. Here, your wife will be cold towards you and may even be seeking a separation or divorce. These are challenging times, and it’s easy to lose hope, but it’s crucial not to give up.

Your task at this stage is to show genuine change. This doesn’t mean pleading for her to stay or making grand, empty promises. It means demonstrating a true commitment to improvement and becoming a better partner and person.

Here Josh’s Marriage Mastery program uses techniques such as ‘CLC Reports’ and ‘Potency Actions’ to help you not only improve temporarily but improve for good. CLC Reports are guided interactional change reports that you give to your wife to show that there’s genuine change, while Potency Actions are specific actions tailored to your situation to shift her mood and spark her interest in working on the marriage again.

Stage 2: Resentment Switch

The second stage is when your wife’s negative sentiment starts to shift to a more neutral set point. This stage can be marked by confusing actions and mixed messages. One day she might be planning a vacation with you, and the next day she could be handing you divorce papers.

The biggest mistake you can make at this stage is focusing on the negative instead of the positive. By focusing on positive milestones and the positive things she’s doing, these will grow, and you’ll progress towards the higher stages of recovery.

At this stage, mastering your non-verbal behaviors, such as maintaining eye contact, adopting a confident tone of voice, and using statements rather than questions, is also essential. Additionally, passing her ‘tests’ is vital for establishing that you are the person you’re striving to become.

Stage 3: Polarity Pull

The third stage is about using your influence to reconnect with your wife. At this point, she is open to your advances, and you can start flirting with her again, reigniting the spark of attraction. However, do NOT fall into old patterns and behaviors.

At this stage, you’ll have to be more vigilant and make sure you’re still putting in the work, even when things seem to be improving. Josh suggests employing a ‘Crucial Conversation Exercise’ to foster deep and meaningful discussions that help both of you progress towards the next stage.

Stage 4: Projected Reality

The fourth stage is when you start to create a shared future together. Having cleared the path with positive emotional investments, you and your wife can now begin to imagine a future where you are together. This involves sitting down and planning your future, which, according to Josh, is something many couples overlook.

To avoid falling back into old habits that may cause resentment, it’s important to be vigilant, present, and continue to work on the relationship. At this stage, planning future trips, going on dates, and cultivating environments of intimacy can help rekindle the passion in your relationship.

Stage 5: Intimacy and Engagement

At this point, you’ve passed all her tests, used the right non-verbals, and proved to be the person she wanted you to be. She feels psychologically and emotionally safe with you, which opens more opportunities for growth and love. You’re now a team working together, and the intimacy between you has returned.

However, this doesn’t mean the work stops here. As Josh explains, marriages are about continual growth, understanding, and mutual respect. Your relationship is an evolving entity that needs to be nurtured and cared for. This means regular check-ins, open and honest communication, quality time together, and ongoing personal and relationship growth.

In summary, recovering a marriage requires more than just resolving disagreements or trying to change your partner’s mind. It involves personal growth, consistent efforts, open communication, understanding your partner’s needs, and putting in the time and effort to create a safe, loving, and mutually respectful environment. Despite how simple it sounds when broken down like this, winning your wife back will be your greatest challenge yet, and for many, this challenge is too much to handle alone. For personalized advice and the assistance needed to turn your life around 180 degrees, reach out to our team at Pinnacle Coaching and start your journey today.

To learn more about our Pinnacle Marriage Coaching, check out the website HERE.

To learn how to save or improve marriage, check out this YouTube channel: HERE.

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