March 1, 2023 – Western and Northern Ontario Weather Outlook

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Sweater Weather

Thunder Bay – Weather – Will March roar in like a lion? “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” refers to the perception that March often starts with harsh winter weather but ends with milder spring-like weather. This saying is based on folk wisdom rather than scientific evidence, so it may or may not hold true in any given year or region.

Thunder Bay

I tell ya, it’s gonna be one gloomy day out there. We got clouds coverin’ the whole darn sky, and there’s a small chance – only 30 percent, mind you – of flurries in the afternoon. Plus, we got some wind kickin’ up, up to 15 clicks per hour. The temperature’s gonna be a real kicker too, with a high of minus 5, and the wind chill makin’ it feel like minus 13. You better bundle up, folks!

And as we head into the night, it’s gonna be partly cloudy, but that small chance of flurries ain’t goin’ nowhere, still at 30 percent. The wind’ll still be blowin’ too, up to 15 km/h. But boy oh boy, the temperature’s really gonna drop. We’re talkin’ a low of minus 15, and with the wind chill, it’ll feel like minus 12 in the evening and a frigid minus 18 overnight. Better cozy up under them covers, folks! And the UV index? Don’t even get me started. It’s gonna be a lowly 2, just like my chances of catchin’ a break.

Fort Frances

Hey, we got a mix of sun and clouds out there, folks! And let me tell ya, the wind is blowin’ like crazy from the northeast, up to 20 clicks per hour. But don’t you worry, it’s gonna lighten up in the afternoon. The temperature’s gonna be a doozy, with a high of minus 9, and the wind chill is gonna make it feel like minus 23 in the morning and minus 14 in the afternoon. You better bundle up and stay warm out there, or you’ll be shakin’ like a leaf!

Now, as we head into the night, it’s gonna clear up, and the wind’ll still be blowin’, up to 15 km/h. But let me tell ya, the temperature’s gonna drop like a lead balloon. We’re talkin’ a low of minus 21, and with the wind chill, it’ll feel like minus 15 in the evening and a bone-chilling minus 24 overnight. You better have those extra blankets ready, folks, or you’ll be colder than a polar bear’s toenails! And the UV index? It’s gonna be a measly 2, just like my chances of catching a break around here.

Dryden and Vermilion Bay

Alright, we got ourselves a real beaut of a day out there, folks! Mainly sunny, with just a touch of wind up to 15 km/h. But don’t let that fool ya, because the temperature’s gonna be colder than my ex-wife’s heart. We’re talkin’ a high of minus 10, and the wind chill is gonna make it feel like minus 26 in the morning and minus 15 in the afternoon. You better layer up and wear your thermal undies, or you’ll be frozen stiff like a statue!

Now, as we head into the night, it’s gonna be clear as a bell, and the wind’ll still be blowin’ up to 15 km/h. But let me tell ya, the temperature’s gonna drop faster than my comedy career after my first gig. We’re talkin’ a low of minus 22, and with the wind chill, it’ll feel like minus 14 in the evening and a teeth-chattering minus 24 overnight. You better cuddle up with your loved ones or your pets, folks, or you’ll be colder than a witch’s you-know-what! And the UV index? It’s gonna be a lowly 2, just like my self-esteem after years of hecklers and bad reviews.

Kenora

Hey there, folks, we got some good news and some bad news for ya today. The good news is that it’s gonna be mainly sunny out there, a real ray of light in these dark times. The bad news? The wind is blowing like a hurricane from the northeast, up to 20 clicks per hour, but don’t you worry, it’ll lighten up late in the morning. But let me tell ya, the temperature’s gonna be colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss. We’re talkin’ a high of minus 10, and the wind chill is gonna make it feel like minus 28 in the morning and minus 15 in the afternoon. That’s a real risk of frostbite, folks, so you better bundle up and cover your exposed skin or you’ll be in for a world of hurt!

Now, as we head into the night, it’s gonna be clear as a bell, but the wind’ll still be blowin’, up to 15 km/h. And let me tell ya, the temperature’s gonna drop faster than my punchlines bombin’ on stage. We’re talkin’ a low of minus 20, and with the wind chill, it’ll feel like minus 13 in the evening and minus 23 overnight. You better have your hot cocoa and your fuzzy socks ready, folks, or you’ll be colder than a snowman’s you-know-what! And the UV index? It’s gonna be a lowly 2, just like my chances of catchin’ a break in this crazy world.

Sachigo Lake

Hey there, folks, we got some tough news for ya today. It’s gonna be a mix of sun and clouds, but don’t let that fool ya, because the wind’s gonna be howlin’ like a banshee from the northwest, gustin’ up to 50 km/h. But don’t worry, it’ll lighten up late in the afternoon. And let me tell ya, the temperature’s gonna be colder than a polar bear’s toenails. We’re talkin’ a high of minus 17, and the wind chill is gonna make it feel like minus 40 in the morning and minus 24 in the afternoon. That’s a real risk of frostbite, folks, and it’ll happen in minutes, so you better stay indoors or bundle up like a burrito!

Now, as we head into the night, it’s gonna be partly cloudy, but it’ll become clear before morning. The wind’ll still be blowin’, up to 15 km/h, and let me tell ya, the temperature’s gonna be colder than a penguin’s freezer. We’re talkin’ a low of minus 30, and with the wind chill, it’ll feel like minus 26 in the evening and a teeth-chattering minus 38 overnight. That’s another risk of frostbite, folks, so you better have your hot cocoa and your electric blanket ready, or you’ll be colder than a snowman’s you-know-what! And the UV index? It’s gonna be a lowly 1, just like my self-esteem after years of hecklers and bad reviews.

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