Ending your marriage can be an extremely painful, traumatic, and costly experience for everyone involved. If you are thinking about filing for divorce, you may be a bit hesitant after hearing horror stories from friends and co-workers who have been through it themselves.
This may go double for those of you with children- no parent wants to do anything that could cause unnecessary hurt or anguish to their kids, and you may worry that choosing to file for divorce might have a negative impact on their lives.
But we’ve got some good news- choosing to end a marriage doesn’t necessarily mean having to have an all-out war with your soon-to-be former spouse. Believe it or not, it is possible to get through a divorce calmly and cooperatively, with little to no anger, fighting, or even hard feelings, and actually stay relatively friendly after it’s over.
Here are some of our best tips for remaining cordial during and after a divorce.
Remember the Good Times
We understand that some marriages just can’t be fixed, but that doesn’t mean that your ex-spouse should suddenly be seen as the enemy. No matter what you’re going through right now as you end your marriage, try to focus on what made you want to marry that person in the first place. By thinking of his or her good qualities, you can remain calm and rational while working through your divorce mediation sessions, and avoid blowups.
Think of Your Ex as Your Child’s Parent
Sure, you’ve decided that being divorced from your spouse will make you both happier in the long run, but you are both still co-parenting the children you’ve raised together. Before taking a negative tone with your soon-to-be ex or resorting to name-calling or shouting, take a moment to think of him or her as your kids’ mom or dad. This will help you to remain respectful and reasonable, which will benefit you as a family in the long run.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
You have just suffered a major loss. The end of a marriage is in many ways like the death of a loved one. It’s OK to be sad or angry. In fact, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel any feeling that comes up as you work through your grieving process. Try sitting by yourself for a few moments each day and allowing these emotions to enter. Some people find that writing in a journal or talking to a therapist can help them process their emotions and begin healing. By allowing yourself this important time to grieve, you can help keep emotional outbursts at bay during the divorce mediation process.
While divorce is never easy, SplitSimple, Denver divorce mediators, point out that keeping these tips in mind can help you get through the divorce mediation process with a lot less sadness and anger. By keeping your interactions with your ex-spouse cordial and calm, you can not only make sure your uncontested divorce goes a lot more smoothly, but you can protect yourself against any of those horror stories you’ve been hearing from others, and emerge happier, healthier, and ready to take on your next chapter.