Unloved. Lost. Hopeless. Broken.

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hopelessness and overwhelming emotional pain
Hopelessness and overwhelming emotional pain are seen as leading causes of suicide
Shelter House
Rotary Shelter House on George Street in Thunder Bay

THUNDER BAY – Hi my name is Alex, and I’m going to tell you my story. My life is like a roller-coater there are ups, downs, turns, and spirals.

Unloved. Lost. Hopeless. Broken.

So here it goes. 

I have had many troubles the past few years, I am struggling with depression, anxiety, and oppressive compulsive disorder.

These things make day-to-day life very hard for me. Things like getting myself out of bed, being around people, and being embarrassed of my OCD (oppressive compulsive disorder) all the time. 

I’m also struggling with making friends. Well it is not the making friends I’m having troubles with it is the making the right type of friends I’m having troubles with.

Look I recently made a couple friends in a place I really shouldn’t be making friends, and they used me for smokes and money all the time. So needless to say I was mad and confused as to why they would do that to me.

I have been staying at Shelter House for the past few months and it’s honestly one of the scariest moments when you first walk into Shelter House, and old men start hitting on you an their are people hitting on you as soon as you walk in the door.

I feel very unsafe in Shelter House due to all the fighting there is   and all the drama, in my opinion drama shouldn’t have to be around me at all times, and i think I have a lot of people who agree with me.

Staying in Shelter House has changed my view on things, like why did I do the things I did, why didn’t I listen to my parents advice.

Because if I would have listened to them, I would still be living at home. And even if I wasn’t at home I would have been a lot better off taking their advice.

I’m starting to feel like I’m unloved, unwanted, and like I shouldn’t be here, but I guess we all go through that faze at some point in our lives.

But with me and probably many others coping isn’t always the easiest thing to do, for example when I feel like I want to cut, don’t get me wrong I try everything I can such as writing, painting, and drawing, but after a while I get bored of all that and end up cutting anyway.

A couple years ago there was an incident where I did something really stupid, I took a handful of pills and overdosed.

I ended up in the hospital they put and intravenous in my arm for 7 days. I ended up in the  child mental health ward for 3 months, but that didn’t help at all it just made me crazier.

I started hearing voices more and more, and they got more violent with what they were saying, and I couldn’t handle it, so when I got out I tried choking myself and ended up back in the hospital.

I feel like me being born has been a huge burden on my parents and myself, all I am doing is hurting my family and myself.

So what is the point of me telling you all this?

Well the point is I’m sitting here writing this hoping you someday read it and know that you’ll make it far enough to write your story.

I never gave up so why should you?

I’ll admit I have tried giving up a couple times but now I’m here.

Yes I’m still broken, but that’s me.

Unloved. Lost. Hopeless. Broken.

You don’t have to be that way you can change for the better. I know it’s hard now but you will make it out alive. I’m going to end this with my favourite quote.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo.

 You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.

 About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward.

And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Alex

Editorial Comment: The efforts of many in our community to make a difference are helping. Rotary Shelter House offers refuge to many in our city. There are efforts underway to create a youth shelter. There have been many meetings toward this effort. Currently the group is in the process of hiring an intern to help make the project move from the idea stage to the reality stage. 

Often some seem more willing to judge others. The reality is people like Alex don’t need to be judged. They are judging themselves. They need a hand up, as much as a hand out.

Alex is a young person in our city who many might have just walked by. Always think to smile and offer the best of Thunder Bay to all of those you meet. It can make a real difference.

James

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